What I suppose to do this late?

Thai boy with Bangkok Pride’s rainbow flag

Tonite,, I still not sleep… It is 3 am. alread. I am tired, but can’t sleep because I took a nap in evening.

I shaved my pubs in the morning and I spent all day with internet, watch cartoon, eating and just do it all like a cycle.

The cartoon I watched was Doraemon,,, old Japanese cartoon that I had for my collection. Quite fun 🙂

But the thing that I still feel in everyday,,, still in my mind,,, like a scar in my heart….that not yet recovered and waiting something or time to heal this wound. I still feel loney,, no matter how many people I chat with,,, no matter that I just went to see my friends, but when I get back home,, I feel so apart from this world,, it’s too lonely. Do I really need someone? (I have to answer myself “Yes, I really do”)

Sometime I think I should open for anyone more and more,, I thought I did though,,, but somehow I feel I am not ready for that since I scared I will hurt again… I scared I will fall in love too deep too fast like I used to be. I don’t wanna do anything rush when I feel lonely.

Too bad I like only white guy and English language is only way I can communicate with them. Too bad almost guys I like are American. Too bad the guy I like not like me. Too bad I can’t be happy by myself yet.

I wish I can forget all things that made me hurt and be happy with it as my experience,, those tought me my life. But I knew I almost forget how I used my life in USA,, I like it no matter I have some bad memory there. Something still beatiful, but I couldn’t get back anymore.

…and I still see love is beatiful… It’s very green to me.

See ya,

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